In October of 2009, I was given the news no woman ever wants to hear. I had breast cancer. I knew that I had a lump, but my family doctor didn’t think it was anything to be concerned about; he wanted to be sure, though. I went for a mammogram and later, Skippy the Radiologist (my nickname for him – he looked like he’d just graduated high school) told me I had three tumors in my right breast and a smaller one in the left. He wanted biopsies to be sure, but he was pretty confident I had breast cancer. The first thing I thought was that I can get through this. Matt and I almost lost a child; …

  I’ve always loved hummingbirds, yet I couldn’t seem to attract them to my yard. Almost every other bird on the face of the planet has made its way to our bird feeders – except the one bird I was trying to entice. I was determined to figure out how to get them to visit. I began researching plants that promised hummingbirds would come to my yard in droves. In other people’s experience, it might have worked; but my lawn was bereft of birds. Swarms of bees, however, saw them as a welcoming beacon. Adding to the problem, my neighbor is a bee keeper; my flowers became their main food source. …

  Our family inherited a time share from my in-laws, Gretchen and Normie. In addition to the place you originally buy at, you have the option to trade your house in for another home in a different part of the states. For that matter, you can trade to vacation in another country. It’s a good thing that while I grew up, my family traveled all over the world (dad in the military); I love it and would travel to another country in an instant. My family, however, has the attention span of toddlers on crack. If our destination takes longer than three hours to get to, we pass. We go to the mountains …

Today is Father’s Day, and as usual, the kids scrambled to find a way to show Matt how much they love him. Of course, they made him a cake, and I’ll make him his favorite dinner. Still, the kids have been scratching their heads, because they’d like to find something to give to the dad they love so much. The problem is, Matt’s one of those guys who says he doesn’t want or need anything – and means it. He’s also the type of man who networks and barters with his friends. He has a friend for just about every conceivable service one could imagine. So saying we search everywhere to find a gift for …

  Like all things in life, change is inevitable, no matter how much we resist. Mother’s Day is no different. When the kids were little, I got the cutest gifts. Macaroni pictures on paper plates, homemade cards, or a gift certificate book that promised things like “I’ll clean my room,” or “good for 10 hugs.” All were produced with huge smiles and anxious faces. They watched my face to be sure I loved it; boy, did I. Now that they’re older, I think I’d be a little concerned if they presented me with a necklace made of buttons. Not totally surprised, but a little nervous about what type of human…

My friend, Ann, said that she went to the store for chips and milk, but ended up spending $120. It started a whole discussion from several women who reported the same thing. I can’t tell you how happy I was to know that I’m not the only woman to suffer from this condition. I excel in keeping a list of things we’ve run out of; I even bought neon-colored paper so that the list would be noticeable. I’m proud to say I have rarely left the house without it. Unfortunately, the problem isn’t taking it; it’s keeping it and sticking to the items on it.  After watching TLC’s “Extreme Couponing,” I …

Like many women, my eyelashes are less than perfect. They’re so short, I have to use a magnifying glass to apply mascara, and even then, half of it ends up on my eyelids. Of course, the beauty industry has a solution for everything, or so I’d hoped. I bought mascara after mascara because of their claims to give me long, lush lashes.  Commercials promised that their product would lengthen and others would add volume, and still more claimed to do both. Upon closer inspection and in the smallest print possible, you can barely see a disclaimer. Usually, it’s something like "results not typical," …

It’s almost Valentine’s Day; the day when a half-naked cherub flits about, randomly slinging arrows into people’s hearts.  Good thing Valentine’s Day doesn’t fall during hunting season, or someone might shoot back. Women usually look forward to this day but many men, on the other hand, see it as penance for Super Bowl Sunday. We’ve been inundated with commercials touting this or that product as the perfect gift for the special day. Normally, it’s chocolates, jewelry and flowers. But I’ve also noticed some rather unusual gifts being advertised; things such as giant teddy bears and hooded …

If you are the proud owner of a teen type, then I’m not telling you anything new. Your “cool card” has been irrefutably revoked. In fact, your teens don’t think that there ever was a time in your life when you were cool. I tried telling them that their mom used to sing in a rock band; they all laughed really hard and demanded photographic evidence. Boy asked if it was back when the Rolling Stones were just Drifting Pebbles. Nowhere is your nonexistent grasp on the pulse of all things cool more glaring than when it comes to clothes. Suddenly, I’ve turned into Grandma Moses and my outfits …

Any parent will tell you, once you have kids, the word “privacy” exits your vocabulary with alarming speed. In fact, children are the antidote for privacy, whether they’re toddlers or teens. Once they become teens, you hope that they value privacy, which they do. Theirs. Yours, not so much. And nowhere is your lack of privacy more obvious than when you want to take a nice warm shower. When the kids are little, a mom can take a shower in under a minute. Most parents wait until the kids are taking naps, and then bring the baby monitor into the bathroom with them. Even then, they leave the door …

The parent of any teen will tell you there are five words your kid will say that will strike fear in your heart as surely as the threat of a nuclear war: "I want a driver’s license." Our first thought is, "Oh, no, I’m going to have to let my kid drive out in public." Since we’ve been driving for a number of years, we’re well aware of how dumb some drivers can be. Our second thought is, "Oh, no, I’m going to have to let my kid drive out in public." We’re also aware of how dumb our kids can be. When Boy first brought this subject up, visions of the past few months flashed before my eyes. This …

When we first had kids, we drove minivans. It was easier to lug car seats, groceries and new cribs around. But boy, I don’t care who you are; there is just no way to look cool in a white minivan with brown paneling on the side. One time, when driving my beat up minivan down the highway, a car came alongside me. The young man driving it was beeping and waving. It’s been a long time since I’ve flirted on the highway, so I was flattered. I smiled, and waved back. He continued to gesture wildly, and I kept smiling. Finally, I held up my left hand and pointed to the wedding ring on my finger; …

It’s been almost a week since we jubilantly ushered in the brand new year. Some of us celebrated a little harder than others; you know who you are. Next year, I hope to get an invitation. Now it’s time for the onslaught of new year commercials. Frankly, most of them are weight loss and gym programs and I’m getting annoyed at being told that I need to lose weight. I know that already—you’re hurting my apparently rather large feelings. There are so many products out there that claim to make weight loss as easy as breathing. The fine print tells another story. I wrote about this once before, but…

Like many people, I watch the ball drop to ring in the new year and make a few resolutions. Sadly, like many of these same folks, I have the problem of almost never keeping them. Unlike many, I’m willing to bet that I could break the land speed record for completely forgetting about them. OK, not exactly forgetting; more like ignoring or killing them from neglect. So, this year I’ve set about making a different set; ones that I have at least a 5 percent shot at keeping. Not only that, but a few that are completely easy; they fall into a new category this year – boosting my self esteem. As a …

Having two daughters born less than two years apart, our household was a cornucopia of all things Barbie.  I'm convinced that for years there was a pink haze emanating from our home that could be seen all the way to California.  My poor husband, Matt, was surrounded by girls; heck, even our dog, Ginger, was a girl.  But that all changed when our son, Dakota, known as "Boy," was born.  And life as I knew it changed forever. Boy didn't have a pink bone in his body and he had little tolerance for his sisters' Barbie obsession.  He would just as soon use the Pink Princess' house as target …

To read the first installation of my run in with "the Beast," click here. I’d thought ahead enough to check the strings of light to be sure that they were working before I began. What I didn’t think about was connecting them together. Turns out, there are “male” and “female” plugs. I’m trying to think of a way to put this delicately, so let’s just say my poor garland was celibate. I’m fairly sure my scream could be heard two towns over. That, and the torrent of curse worse that seemed to flow from my mouth as if a dam had burst. Words I didn’t even know I knew spewed forth like molten lava, …

I often tease about being crafty; I’m being facetious. Martha Stewart would have a heart attack at my house. The only thing we have in common is cooking. Crafting is for people with patience. I was watching her show the other day, and she was showing off obviously labor-intensive homemade Christmas presents. I’m sure if one of my kids had made one of them for me, I’d be thrilled. However, these were produced to be gifted upon your children. All I could think of, though, was what 16 year old wants a set of coasters made out of gift wrap? As an adult, I’d think they were adorable. My kids, …

I’m so thankful that it’s finally after Thanksgiving. I look forward to the Christmas season like no other time in the world. Even my Jewish friends get caught up in it with me around! However, there are two types of people between November and December. There are those who think it’s never too early to play Christmas music. And then there are those who think that until Thanksgiving is over, no seasonal music even hinting at the jolly elf’s existence should be played. Even seasonal hymns are off limits. I belong to the never too early crowd. I also belong to the “never take the tree and any …

We host Thanksgiving at our house, and this year was no different. I normally cook a 16 to 18 pound turkey, along with a ham. However, some of my family was going to go elsewhere, and I knew that there would be a ton of leftovers if I cooked that much food. Matt and I decided that we’d go with a larger bird and save the ham for Sunday dinner. Since he was going out, I asked him to pick one up. What he came home with was a 25 pound turkey that looked like something Fred Flintstone would eat. I’ve never seen a bird that large. Thankfully, we have an extra refrigerator, but I had to take a few …

We live in the country in a 200 year old brick house; a brick house with a drafty attic. Birds are constantly getting into it. Occasionally, though, they manage to find their way into our duct system. Under normal circumstances, it’s a daunting process to get them out. However, when you throw in three kids, two labs, one cat and a ferret (there have also been rabbits, chinchillas, pet mice, and frogs in the mix at different times), it becomes a three ring circus. We’ve always managed to shoo the bird out an open window without more than a light bulb being broken in the process. The birds seem…